Are you in the third trimester and finding yourself thinking, no one has offered to throw me a baby shower yet? Baby shower etiquette says that someone else, usually friends and family, will throw a baby shower for new mom to be. But in today’s busy world there are many reasons new moms find themselves lonely and without their support system. What can you do if you find yourself with no one to throw your baby shower? Is it wrong to throw your own baby shower?
Why do we have baby showers?
The obvious reason to have a baby shower is to receive gifts from your friends and family to help you prepare for your first baby.
Not to mention, baby showers are fun! It’s so cute to see all the sweet baby clothes and piles of diapers. And of course, we all love a reason to have a party.
Typically women host baby showers and invite all the other women in the family or friend group.
However, Jack and Jill baby showers or co-ed baby showers (where dads and their friends get to party too!) are becoming more popular.
Baby showers can hold a deeper meaning. You’ve probably heard the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” meaning that your community helps to create a healthy and safe environment for your baby to grow up.
The baby shower is sort of a way to bring your village together and celebrate this new little life.
Along the way you will need people from your life; friends, family, co-workers, church, etc. to help you. Whether it is a shoulder to cry on or someone who can pick up your baby when you have to work late.
If you are in a place in your life and you don’t have community, then now is a great time to reach out to the people you want to be apart of your child’s life.
Who throws the baby shower?
Traditionally, a person in your life who loves you will host a baby shower. That may be your best friend, co-worker, grandma, aunt, mother, sister, or maybe someone from your spouse’s side of the family.
Sometimes a group of friends, family, or co-workers will share the hosting responsibilities. This makes hosting a baby shower more budget friendly and not so overwhelming.
What if no one can host a baby shower for you?
Baby showers are usually thrown 4 weeks to 6 weeks before your due date.
If you haven’t been asked about a baby shower towards the beginning of your third trimester, try talking to friends and family that you think would be most likely to throw you a baby shower.
Some reasons you haven’t heard anything about a baby shower yet…
- Everyone thought someone else was going to plan the baby shower
- You recently moved a long distance away from your close friends and family
- You haven’t had time to build community in your new place
- Family and friends are on a tight budget and can’t throw a baby shower
- There may not be a good time for friends and family to throw a baby shower
- Your getting a surprise baby shower (yes! this does happen!)
The list can go on and on! Every person’s life situation is unique, and timing may just not be on your side when it comes to having someone plan a baby shower for you.
Your friends may not be the type to throw a party, even if it is a baby shower. Maybe your family is terrible at planning, and you know that!
I have friends who were in the military and have lived hundreds or even thousands of miles away from their family.
Sometimes you’re just not in a good place with the ones you would want to be part of your celebration.
The good news is you can break tradition and throw your own baby shower!
What can you do instead of a baby shower?
A baby shower may seem to formal for you, instead you may be looking for an alternative baby shower idea!
Whether you do something simple like a small dinner party or you want something that feels more like an event, we’ve got our 4 favorite baby shower alternatives for you to choose from.
Sip and See
A sip and see is a party that is planned by the parents for after baby is born. It’s a fun way to show off your new tiny addition to your friends and family while everyone sips on refreshments.
The atmosphere is relaxed and is a kind of drop in baby shower. People can come and go as they please during a 2-3 hour time frame.
If you did not have a baby shower, it would be perfectly fine to include your baby registry on the sip and see invitation. Most people will plan to bring something to welcome the new baby!
Diaper raffles are a great way to stock up on diapers and wipes. Invite guests to bring diapers and wipes for a chance to win a great baby shower prize! Each pack of diapers or wipes equals another ticket for the raffle. The better the diaper raffle prize, the more diapers and wipes you will get from friends and family!
Diaper kegs have become known as a way for dads to celebrate the arrival of their new baby with friends. You bring the beer and friends bring diapers for the arrival of the new baby. A diaper keg could also work as a co-ed party for mom and dad to be. Just remember to include some yummy non-alcoholic beverages for yourself, mom-to-be.
This could be a great low key way to celebrate your baby with friends and family without putting out a full baby registry .
A baby sprinkle is a scaled back baby shower. It’s typically used for a second pregnancy (third or fourth pregnancy) to celebrate baby and mom-to-be.
Gifts are smaller things that second time parents need like diapers, wipes, and other things that couldn’t be reused from the first baby.
This would be a great option if you wanted to throw a baby shower and could use gifts that would help you stock up on necessities. Diapers, wipes, formula, and other non reusable baby items are at a price point that most people can afford on a budget.
You can create a baby gift registry with all the essentials and even add gift cards that you can use in the future essential baby needs!
Virtual Baby Shower
Long distance can be tough! But thankfully we live in a world of technology and the party can go on with a virtual shower.
A virtual baby shower is hosted online and can be held at a specific time or over a few days. You can interact with your guests through video chats, live chats, and messages.
I have found that the easiest places to host a baby shower online are Zoom and Facebook.
Zoom works great to be able to see everyone at the same time and talk. If you are choosing to have a set date and time for your party, then Zoom is a good choice. Remember that some people may be in different time zones, so planning can be a little bit tricky.
Facebook makes it easier to communicate through messages, share videos, and you can even go live. Create a private group to invite all your friends and family.
We used this option for my sister’s baby shower because there is a 4 hour time difference between us. We played virtual baby shower games through out the week and guests could post encouraging videos for her to watch. Then she went live on Saturday for about 10 minutes to thank everyone for sending gifts and joining the virtual baby shower.
The good news is you can still celebrate with your mom, best friend, and the people you love!
Pros and Cons of Baby Shower Planning for Yourself
PRO: Love and Support from Family & Friends
When people come around you to show their love and support it feels empowering and encouraging. I remember worrying that I wouldn’t have anyone to throw a baby shower for our first baby, because my mom passed away a few years earlier.
I felt alone.
Our friends and family stepped up and threw a baby shower for us, I realized how much support we had as we entered into parenthood!
PRO: Baby Shower Gifts!
You get gifts! When you have your first baby there is SO MUCH BABY STUFF! It feels overwhelming to try and figure out how you’re going to be able to get even the essentials for a new born baby.
Whether it’s new diapers, baby clothes, or a new car seat having help to get all the things is exciting!
Don’t forget to set up your baby shower registry!
PRO: You Make All the Party Decisions
Sometimes it’s good to be in charge! You get to choose the theme, food, venue, and baby registry.
Oh, and did I mention you can play baby shower games or not play baby shower games! Being the center of attention may not be your thing, so it will be easy to avoid embarrassing party games! You can decide how formal or relaxed you want your baby shower.
CON: How Much Time it Takes for Planning a Baby Shower
Planning a baby shower for yourself takes up a lot of time. You need at least 2-3 weeks to pull off a low key baby shower.
You are definitely busy with preparing space for the baby, wrapping things up at work, attending all those doctor appointments that happen at the end of a pregnancy, and other normal life circumstances.
This may be hard for you to pull off if organization is a struggle for you.
CON: Anxiety and Stress of Throwing Your Own Baby Shower
Are you a people pleaser? Does your anxiety go crazy at the thought of doing something that other people may find distasteful?
There are people who would say that throwing your own baby shower goes against traditional etiquette.
How does stress effect you? With too much going on, you could find yourself exhausted and effecting yourself and baby.
CON: The Cost of Throwing a Baby Shower
Baby showers are expensive!
You might think that throwing a baby shower is the best way to get the items you need for when baby arrives, but throwing a baby shower might actually cost you more money.
On average, a small party will range from $200 to $250. That would include decorations, food, and hosting at a free location like your home or a park.
Take a look at your baby registry and see how much you would be able to purchase by putting that cash towards your registry. Just remember most people don’t spend on the big items from your registry (car seats, high chairs, cribs, dressers, rocking chair).
Then you can decide if it makes sense financially.
How do you plan a baby shower for yourself?
You’ve decided that you want to throw a baby shower for yourself. So how do you make a baby shower happen?
A baby shower can be as big or as easy as you want it be. The main thing to keep in mind is celebrating your new baby with the people you love!
Mod Baby has you covered with a FREE Cute Baby Shower Checklist Printable printable that takes you through 8 weeks of planning!
Set a Budget for the Baby Shower
Before you spend time planning a dream baby shower, start with how much money you can actually put towards hosting a party.
This will help you make all the other decisions on your list!
Decide on a Baby Shower Party Style
There are so many different ways to host a party.
Depending on your life situation, you may need to do a virtual party. Try hosting the party from home to save some money on venue space.
If it’s not too hot or cold outside, then maybe an outdoor party at a park would be a fun.
Since you’re already a rule breaker, consider throwing your baby shower at a bar. Obviously you wouldn’t drink, but your guests might like an adult beverage while you celebrate new baby! This is actually becoming more popular with coed baby showers.
Make a Guest List
Write down a list of friends and family you want to invite to the baby shower party!
Think about the people who are close to you. People that you still keep in touch with on a regular basis.
Don’t forget to invite the guys! If you’re hosting a coed baby shower include the dad and his friends, too!
Choose When to Have a Baby Shower
Set a date for the baby shower.
Most baby showers happen about 4 – 6 weeks before the baby’s due date.
Make sure to check your work and personal calendars to make sure you don’t plan on a busy day.
Weekends are a good time to throw a baby shower, but you could schedule something for a week day lunch or even a night after work.
Be considerate of your guests and try to think about times that they would be available.
Set up Your Baby Registry
A baby registry can feel really overwhelming! There are so many gadgets and even more decisions to be made…will you breast feed? will you use formula? what do you think about making your own baby food? reusable diapers or throw away diapers?
We recommend registering at a few different places.
Of course we love Amazon, because your baby items can be ordered and shipped to your door within 2 days!
We also want to recommend that you register for places that people can actually go and shop. Your grandma is probably not going to order online. She will want to go to the store and pick out a gift, so make sure you give her a list to choose from.
Another great reason to start a baby registry is that you can get 20% off your entire baby registry after you’ve had your shower. Who doesn’t love a good discount?!
When you are registering keep in mind that people typically like to spend between $15 – $30 for a baby shower gift.
So include things like…
- diapers (different sizes)
- baby shampoo
- baby laundry detergent
- bath toys
- toddler plate/cup
- car seat accessories
- stroller accessories
- gift cards
Don’t forget to start your Baby Registry with Amazon!
Choose a Theme
So many options!
Here are a few of our favorite cute and modern baby shower themes in 2020.
- Taco About a Baby
- Lil Pumpkin Baby Shower Theme
- Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
- Boho & Floral
- Baby-Que BBQ
- Little Cutie
- Baby Yoda
Send Out Invitations
Make sure you include an RSVP so you can get a count of how many people are coming to the party. This will be important for meal planning and will determine the size of your baby shower cake.
Make a Baby Shower Menu
Will you be having snacks, brunch, lunch or dinner? Catering or homemade?
The timing of your baby shower will effect the types of food you will have at the party.
- Bar-b-que Theme: barbue, corn on the cob, cole slaw and cornbread
- Taco About a Baby Theme: tacos, salsa, chips & queso
- Brunch: Quiche, yogurt parfaits, muffins, and sandwiches
- Appetizers: ham and cheese roll ups, sweet and tangy meatballs, veggie and dip cups, buffalo chicken dip and pita chips
Choose a Baby Shower Cake
Let’s be honest, isn’t this why we all love any party?! The dessert!
You can choose a cake that serves all the guests.
Or try a dessert table that includes all your favorite sweets like donuts, baby shower themed cookies, cupcakes, pies, candy bars, or other favorites.
Decorate for the Baby Shower
Choose decorations based on the baby shower theme.
Plan on decorating a place to put gifts, a seat for yourself to open gifts (if you decide to do that), a themed Welcome sign, and a themed menu sign for the food.
You can also color coordinate plates, cups, and napkins to go along with your theme.
Balloons are a great inexpensive option for decorating.
We are in love with these popular balloon arches.
Plan Baby Shower Games or Activities
Baby shower games can be fun for you and your guests. You could play the traditional guess the mommy’s belly size (not sure any pregnant mama’s are excited about that one).
Or grab some of Mod Baby’s Free Printable Party Games to pass out.
- Baby Shower Bingo
- Baby Shower Price is Right
- Baby Shower Word Scramble
- Baby Shower Matching Game
- Baby Shower Word Search
If you’re feeling up to it, give away a few prizes. These can be super inexpensive like a King Size Candy Bar or $5 gift card to Starbucks..
Don’t forget to enjoy your special day! Take time to catch up with your friends, laugh, and enjoy this moment before you become a mom.
Don’t forget to grab our FREE baby shower planning checklist for all the details!
So, can you throw your own baby shower?
The short answer, yes girl! You CAN throw your own baby shower. The reality is that motherhood is a long journey and mamas need their village. You need to be able to celebrate the anticipation of your new baby. You might need new gifts, but even deeper you need the relationships that community brings you.
Motherhood can be lonely and isolating. So whether your friends and family are unaware that you need them or there is a long distance between you. Reach out and let someone know that you want to celebrate your new baby!